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When I was in the military they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one.    
                                                                                                                                                   - Leonard Matlovich
 
The one bonus of not lifting the ban on gays in the military is that the next time the government mandates
a draft we can all declare homosexuality instead of running off to Canada.
                                                                                                                                                              - Lorne Bloch
  
Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys
with M16s going, "Who'd you call a faggot?"                                                                             
                                                                                                                                                               - Jon Stewart
 
The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That
doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision.                          
                                                                                                                                                              - Lynn Lavner
 
My lesbianism is and act of Christian charity. All those women out there praying for a man, and I'm
giving them my share.                                                                                                                  
                                                                                                                                                       - Rita Mae Brown
 
Soldiers who are not afraid of guns, bombs, capture, torture or death say they are afraid of homosexuals.
Clearly we should not be used as soldiers; we should be used as weapons.    
                                                                                                                          - Letter to the editor, The Advocate
 
If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work: "Hello. Can't work today, still queer."
                                                                                                                                                               - Robin Tyler
 
Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?
                                                                                                                                                           - Ernest Gaines
 
War. Rape. Murder. Poverty. Equal rights for gays. Guess which one the Southern Baptist Convention
is protesting?                                                                                                                           
                                                                                                                                               - The Value of Families
  
I'd rather be black than gay because when you're black you don't have to tell your mother.     
                                                                                                                                                           - Charles Pierce
 
That word "lesbian" sounds like a disease. And straight men know because they're sure that they're the cure.
                                                                                                                                                     - Denise McCanles
 
As a mother, I know that homosexuals cannot biologically reproduce children; therefore, they must recruit our children.                                                                                                                                               - Anita Bryant
 
If gays are granted rights, next we'll have to give rights to prostitutes and to people who sleep with St. Bernards and to nail biters.                                                                                                                                     
                                                                                                                                                               -Anita Bryant
  
The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.          
                                                                                                                                                            - Dennis Miller
 
Jesse Helms and Newt Gingrich were shaking hands congratulating themselves on the introduction of an antigay bill in Congress.  If it passes, they won't be able to shake hands, because it will then be illegal for
a prick to touch  an asshole.                                                                                                        
                                                                                                                                                               - Judy Carter
 
I am reminded of a colleague who reiterated, "all my homosexual patients are quite sick", to which I
finally replied "so are all my heterosexual patients."                    
                                                                                                                    - Ernest van den Haag, psychotherapist
 
If male homosexuals are called "gay," then female homosexuals should be called "ecstatic."
                                                                                                                                                           -Shelly Roberts
 
Some women can't say the word lesbian... even when their mouth is full of one.
                                                                                                                                                              - Kate Clinton
 
It always seemed to me a bit pointless to disapprove of homosexuality. It's like disapproving of rain.
                                                                                                                                                          - Francis Maude
 
"You could move."                                           
 - Abigail Van Buren, (Dear Abby), in response to a reader who complained that a gay couple was moving in across the street and wanted to know what he could do to improve the quality of the neighborhood.